RSS twitter youtube

First Person Friday: A MizFit Shabbat.


OK, so the picture isnt too good.

Not only was Ren Man not thrilled I was intruding on our reflection time with my picture taking all I had easily accessible was my phone—but you get the idea.

Every Friday Ren Man leaves work early (really early given he works till 8 most nights), the Tornado & I bake buy challah, & the three of us meet at home for some reflection time.

Being raised Jewish but not orthodox Ive some recollection of lighting the Shabbat candles but not much (sorry mom. is it my memory? did we light them frequently?).

In a way, since life was so much s-l-o-w-e-r thirty years ago, it’s almost as though the unplugging brought on by Friday night wasn’t as crucial.

Now I find that I look forward to Friday evenings & our version of observing the Sabbath *all week long.*

Sure we say the Sabbath prayers.

Yes we take extra time to *specifically* say what we are most thankful for during the past week.

More than anything, however, we unplug as a family.

No phones.  No email/texting/tweeting.  No TV.

(I now tend to carry this practice through the weekend as well.  I mostly ignore save work emails until monday morning.  I used to read messages & just not answer till monday, but found the frazzle associated with even *that* diminished my unplugjoyment)

Id begun to take the Sabbath experience for granted/as habit until a friend recently asked me about it.

As I yammered excitedly to her on Skype I realized how important this time is to me & how we all have our own ways of unplugging we just refer to them by different names.

So that’s my question for you this Friday.

Do you make an effort to have a specific amount of UNPLUGGED time each week?

Do you bracket off a certain period of time *daily* where no one can reach you by electronic means?

Or have you found, as many have, that being constantly available/in touch serves to energize & not deplete you?

Please to hit us all up in the comments (and, to my Jewish readers, Shabbat Shalom).

Pin It

Tags: , , , ,

80 Responses to “First Person Friday: A MizFit Shabbat.”

  1. Gemfit says:

    I’m trying to define a time in my day that’s mine but it’s a challenge as I work with 3 timezones and I’m in a 4th. So my mornings are afternoons somewhere else, my afternoons are mornings and my evenings are mornings too (weird). I find myself having conference calls at 5:30 in the afternoon and then going to Shabbat dinner with the in-laws, as I did tonight. Hardly unplugging.

    My Boy is constantly plugged in and I don’t think he knows how to unplug other than when he’s on a plane and CAN’T plug in.

    I grew up with family Shabbat dinners and while it’s not entirely unplugged, it’s family time, which re-energises me. Family gets me unplugged as much as I can and I cherish that.

    Shabbat shalom (and feel like sharing your challah recipe?)

  2. Hanlie says:

    I like this post! Unplugging is so important. My near-absence online these last few months has been a necessary form of unplugging for me. I love my blog and my cyber-friendships, but have really felt the need to step away for a while. I’m sure I’ll be back in full force in the New Year.

  3. Kat says:

    We try to have dinner together every night and it is a really important part of the day for us to connect and catch up. We also try to go for a nice walk or hike on the weekends. I definitely need to be better about unplugging more often… Happy Friday!

  4. Lance says:

    I think what you are doing is great. Of course, what really matters though, isn’t what I think about what you’re doing - it’s what this means to you (which I can tell is very affirming for you).

    We *try* to eat our evening meal together. And whenever we do - there is no tv, and no cell phones at the table. I personally spend much less time on the weekends looking at mail related to work - although I don’t completely avoid it. Personal connections - I’ll stay in touch with - likely just not as quickly on the weekends as during the week. Complete unplugging is something that I could definitely focus more on…

  5. Tara says:

    One of the reasons I start my day at your blog is posts like this.

    I love that you are the whole person and not just admonishing us to workout eat well!!!

    I need to do this kind of thing more often as I think it would help me sleep better at night.

  6. Sarah says:

    Fellow tribemember here :)
    I wasn’t raised lighting the candles friday night so I don’t do it now but I hope to change that when I get married and start a family.

    I love the photo.

  7. Helen says:

    I’ve noticed your final tweets on Fridays are frequently that you are unplugging for Shabbat and have always wondered what you meant.

    (Yes I do need a life.)

    I don’t tweet or check email too often over my weekends either.

  8. Jessica says:

    I NEED to unplug everyday. When I first get home and my husband is still at work, I don’t turn on any TVs or computers and just listen to some music. I love it.

  9. Yum Yucky says:

    I am in e-chaos and need to follow your example! Thanksgiving days were good because I barely posted. It felt good to breathe. Me thinks I have no posts this weekend because… well, just because that’s what it needs to be.

  10. Bea says:

    This reminds me of the studies that talk about how kids who eat meals with family tend to be healthier both emotionally and physically.

    My family needs to slow down and do this more in our own Catholic way :)

    Have a great weekend, Miz.

  11. Cammy@TippyToeDiet says:

    I spend some time each day away from the computer, the television, the phone, etc. Sometimes it’s just 15 minutes, sometimes much, much longer. I take what I need. :)

    Wishing you a good Shabbat…

  12. Joanna Sutter says:

    I need to be better about unplugging. I unplug when I go to the gym..no blackberry for 1 hour…but I do have an ipod blaring in my ears. I should find or rather make the time to just be.

    Thanks for being such a great example!

  13. Erica says:

    Love this tradition. I made a resolution a while ago to try and take 10-15 minutes before bed to just relax and reflect. I found I slept better and felt better. Unfort….I’ve kind of let this go- need to get back to it. Have a wonderful weekend

  14. Kimmie says:

    For some reason I feel panicky when I take time away from email or twitter.

    I read your post early early this morning and have taken time to think about what you said and for me I am realizing I fear out of sight out of mind.

    I think I am afraid if I unplug no one will remember me when I return.

    That’s sad huh?

  15. Miz says:

    more soon but my challah recipe? currently I buy premade dough from store and shape :)

    I found that (and this isnt pretty but true) when we made the dough from scratch (unlike, say, cookies) it became more about the “will this chickenbus rise?? is it gonna turn out?!” for me than the TIME WITH THE TORNADO.

    so, for now, it’s premade frozen up in herre.

  16. Trish @IamSucceeding says:

    We do 2 times a week when we study the scriptures together as a family and we each individually ahve a persoanl blocked space of time daily for studying on our own.
    We have trained our children since infancy in this manner and now my 2 older ones do it pretty much without reminder. Our youngest I still accompany him during his time.

  17. vickie says:

    Loved this post. And I can just feel the calm of your Friday ritual. So glad that it drifts into the weekend and you have peace.

    I have to say - we keep things as low stress and quiet as we can - when we are all home together - all week. I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘unplugged’. But pretty quiet. Everyone is good about planning ahead and not letting things snowball. My kids comment how chaotic other houses seem - really stressful.

  18. dragonmamma says:

    I’m not that “plugged” to begin with. No cell phone, no blackberry, etc. I check the computer a few times a day, and I have a landline telephone, and that’s it.

  19. the Bag Lady says:

    Like Dragonmamma, I’m not that plugged in, either. The computer stays on when I’m at home (and frequently when I’m not….forgetful old broad that I am!) and I carry a cellphone for emergencies, but no twittering, no iPod, etc. when I’m at work.

    Shabbat Shalom, Miz, (even though I’m not Jewish)

  20. Sagan says:

    If I decide that I’m not going to email anyone all weekend, there is NO way I can read the emails. I just wind up thinking about them and getting anxious that I’ll forget to respond etc etc. It’s better to just not look at all!

    Tomorrow “the boy” and I are taking the entire day off together- I’ve got a coworker to cover my work shift and we’re going to just hang out and enjoy each others company. No school work, no thesis-writing, no paper-writing, no exam-studying. One day of a TOTAL break from it all. I’m really looking forward to it. And I think that it will make me even MORE productive on Sunday and early next week.

  21. Kimberly Lee says:

    Since we began dating my husband and I have set aside Friday nights as “our time”. We’d turn off the cell phones, unplug the home phone, and turn on our favorite jazz music. Then we prepare dinner together and catch up on the happenings in each other’s lives. There are times where we can not unplug on Friday nights - work committments, family functions, etc. - so we move it to another day. I love having time away from the rest of the world and to be able to focus solely on my husband and our life together.

  22. Courtney says:

    I like to ignore the computer, texts and phone on Sunday. I read the paper and watch the birds, then my hubs and I watch football. I focus on just hanging out with him and the dogs without answering emails or reading blogs. It is important and relaxing!

    Adventures in Tri-ing

  23. Lori (Finding Radiance) says:

    I love the unplugged time!

    Wednesday mornings and Sunday mornings are my unplugged times. John and I go out to breakfast, so no TV, no internet, no computer, and no phone. It’s nice to actually look someone in the face and just talk, you know?

  24. Shelley B says:

    I can see how you need to step away from the electronic stuff - I’ve gotten just a small taste of what you must get ALL THE TIME since that article came out - lots more personal emails, new blogs to visit, etc. Some days I am so busy with that that I end up realizing I’ve spent hours in front of the computer…and that’s when I unplug. So I guess I don’t have a set day or time - I just do it when it hits me. Then it’s book or magazine reading time on the couch with my dog, or doing something fun with my husband.

    P.S. LOVE the look on RenMan’s face! And the Barbie in the Tornado’s hand - too cute!

  25. Susan says:

    I enjoy the fridays posts when you treat us to a glimpse into your life.

    I have no Jewish friends (small town life I guess) and found this interesting and a good reminder to slow too.

  26. Marste says:

    A Sunday rester, here. I might still “plug in” to blogs and the television, but there is no work on Sundays: no office work, no housework, no “to-do” list. It makes my Saturdays crazy-hectic, trying to get everything done and the first weekend I did not think it would be worth it, but then I got to mid-afternoon Sunday and realized that I really felt like I’d had some time OFF. It was awesome.

  27. Marste says:

    On a semi-related note, there is a temple out here in LA that has religious classes for kids under 5. The name? “Tot Shabbat.” Fun to say, isn’t it? :D

  28. Miz says:

    yep. That’s our Saturday mornings (twice a month only where we go) & there is nothing cuter than the aforementioned Tots at their Shabbat.

  29. Leah J. Utas says:

    I’m not so plugged in already. No cell phone. I take quiet time every day and will occasionally shut off the computer when I do it. Depends on my mood.

  30. tj says:

    On Sunday’s when Sean and I are together I rarely check my phone. I leave it in my purse with the ringer off. Sometimes I don’t even check the messages until the next day. It’s our day, the entire day is for US. :)

  31. Lauren @ Eater not a runner says:

    Over the weekend I don’t check my work emails, and I usually keep my phone on silent so I can enjoy the people I’m with!

  32. Nikki says:

    I love starting my day here! Thanks Miz for sharing. Sounds like you have a great tradition started with your family!! I’ve not been over-run by the “e” world but its taken much awareness…and self-control!!

  33. Geosomin says:

    One weekend day, at least until 1 PM or so is out time…to sleeep in if we like, and I will make a yummy breakfast. Usually pancakes of some form.
    We sit together, listen to music and just relax together…a little bit of time together even when there’s a buisy day ahead. I try to have a full day with no work”stuff” if I can…just finding what we want to do and do it. :)

  34. Barb says:

    Tribemember here too!

    I used to light the candles with my family when the kids were little but now there seems to be so much happening on Friday nights.

  35. Crabby McSlacker says:

    I need to be more conscious and deliberate about unplugging, and need to feel less guilty about unreturned emails, unread tweets, unwritten blogposts, etc. THere’s more to life than what’s online!

  36. debby says:

    Thanks for sharing this, Miz. And thank Renman for being willing to share.

    I’ve written about trying to have a Sabbath rest on Mondays. I have to admit, I haven’t always stuck to that. But I on those weeks, I try to make my Sunday more of a rest day.

    I have also ‘unplugged’ my life more and more over the years. I basically don’t talk on the phone after 5 pm, and most of my friends know not to call me. No TV for now, and I am pretty determined to continue without for a year and then re-evaluate whether or not I really want one. But I think I need to be more conscious of unplugging from the computer. I can really spend too much time on the blogs and other stuff…

  37. Tony says:

    Unplugging is a nice way to breathe, but I always end up playing videogames lol.

  38. deb roby says:

    I am so isolated in my personal life that I crave any connection- even a “virtual” one throughout the day. However, I limit my time online between 8 am and 6 pm. to one hour bites. Time to work, to connect with nature, to hit the gym -where I do connect in real life with people.

    It all does me good.

  39. Gigi says:

    Dinnertime is when we all sit together without distractions like phones or TVs (well, except maybe during UConn basketball or Red Sox playoffs - but that is near religion for me). We talk about our day and it feels like the best way to stay connected.

  40. Miz says:

    its all about balance for me and I find that MANY DAYS a tweet or twitter convo.can make this isolated mama feel far more connected and ‘heard’ (in my mamafrustrations ;) ) .

    I just never wanna be the couple I see frequently at a local coffee house. Both on handhelds typing away. Never exchanging a look let alone a word.

  41. Sue says:

    I do not.

    I talk about it often.

    I pretend.

    I occasionally try.

    I quit trying each and every time.

    It’s ridiculous. And my post today is the first step to admitting I have a problem. I’m gonna have to come up with a rule I can start with.

    I’ll think about it while I catch up on my tweets.

  42. Karyn says:

    Most evenings, after a long, busy day, just the sound of the phone ringing once again will drive m3 wild. With 3 teenage kids, the phone is constantly ringing. Two of the 3 now have cell phones so if, when the phone rings, I am ready to scream, I just turn off the ringers and have a phone free evening.

    This seems to be happening more and more often. Just to keep my sanity!

  43. Mara @ What's For Dinner? says:

    Just wanted to say a Shabbat Shalom to one of my favorite MOTs :) Love you!

  44. Lana says:

    I can not take my eyes off the photo.

    I love that you do this & need to get back to lighting the Shabbat candles.

  45. Jody - Fit at 52 says:

    I real admire you for this post & for realizing you need this time unplugged! I think we all need to reconnect to PEOPLE IN THE REAL vs. technology. I think some may be losing touch with how it is to deal with people face to face.

    I don’t have a laptop or blackberry so when I am out & about on the weekend, I am away from it. My hubby & I always find time to sit somewhere & just relax, have coffee & read. That has become a staple for us when we are out doing errands on the weekends. Find a couple hours of just sit & relax time. It really is awesome! I never did this when I was younger.

    As busy as you are with blogs & other stuff, Miz, you need to unplug & what better way than what you described in your post!

  46. Gemfit says:

    “I just never wanna be the couple I see frequently at a local coffee house. Both on handhelds typing away. Never exchanging a look let alone a word. ”

    Sometimes the Boy and I look like that (last night in bed, both with laptops but we were holding hands) and I know it’s not ideal but sometimes it’s more like a couple sitting reading the papers, being companionable together but not always talking to each other. It’s not always a bad thing, you know?

  47. Jill says:

    Friday nights are also our nights to chill. I just relax and hang out with the fam - we might go to a highschool football game or just sit around and watch a movie together. Also I try to get up early on Saturday mornings and have some “me” time before the husband and kids wake up. I find it’s a good time to read a book or plan my day in peace and quiet! Also, one rule I have is that I don’t open/lookat/read any snail mail on the weekends. Bills just tend to piss me off, so I try to stay away from them! :)

  48. Quix says:

    Sounds nice! Fridays usually involve some liquor, good conversation, and general revelry. I guess that is pretty unplugged too in some ways!

    Weekend = no work emails. No work period unless mandated by company (and we haven’t had one of those in a longlong time). Also no blogging or commenting (usually). I keep an eye on twitter and facebook but just cuz I wanna. I never feel *obligated* to answer. It’s just like the news to me except about people I actually care about. :)

    Sometimes we are those two people but it’s honestly because we are lucky enough to work the same hours and get to see each other just about every moment we’re not at the offices, so it’s not like we don’t get our quality time. And we’re geeks. ;)

    And over the weekend, there is always some required couch and blankey and TV time. Someone definitely put my recharging station right on that spot on the couch, cuz if I avoid it too many days, I draaaaaag.

    And I am 100% unreachable during a workout. I never carry a phone or have a laptop around. That is my 100% me time.

  49. Susan says:

    Weekend afternoons are often my time to unplug. I shut my computer off and read, or catch up on that week’s TV. Lovely to have quiet time without the constant tweet and e-mail reminders ;)

  50. Michelle@Eatingjourney says:

    I have realised how much blogging/twitter is part of my life. It’s what food used to do for me. I am putting paramenters around it…because I need to. Because this isn’t the end all do all in my life.

  51. MizFit says:

    I have realised how much blogging/twitter is part of my life. It’s what food used to do for me.

    very powerful, Michelle.
    Id imagine you arent alone in that either.

  52. charlotte says:

    Oh I LOVE this. Being LDS, we have a similar tradition except on Sunday. We turn of the electronics, spend time together as a family and, most importantly, find quiet time to reflect on all God has given us & how we can better serve others. It’s so important! What a gift you and the Ren Man are giving to the Tornado:)

    Love the pic - reminds me of my grandfather.

  53. NewMe says:

    Good shabbos to you too, MizFit!

    Your post was just what I needed.

    I don’t take much time off at all and often work on the weekends. Not a good thing. The only day of the year that I really and truly unplug is Yom Kippur. One day. Pretty pathetic.

    Thanks for that food for thought.

  54. Ann says:

    I try to spend the first and last half hours of my day unplugged. I take that time to reflect indepently on my goals, my values, my gratitude. I like the idea of doing it as a family, maybe we will try that this weekend! Thanks for sharing this special ritual, MizFit!

  55. Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit says:

    What a great tradition. I’ve tried to leave Saturdays untethered to the computer because I tend to find myself soaking up too much time there.

    I was on a jury once where we were going to have to be sequestered for up to a week. No tv, no email, no radio, no computer. I was aghast at first, and then started thinking what a great opportunity it would be to really recharge my batteries. Good sense prevailed though; I would up glaring at the defendent until his lawyer had me dismissed, then I got back on my laptop in the jury pool room and surfed the ‘net.

    Enjoy your quiet time. It’s priceless.

  56. Cynthia (It All Changes) says:

    Recently Hunni and I have started taking a few hours on sunday afternoons just for us. We either snuggle in bed or go for a walk or go to dinner. It is just for us because things are so crazy all week for us. We enjoy this time for just us.

  57. Laurie S. at Lifescript says:

    Great post, MizFit! Recently, my husband and I went on a 4-day getaway, and I knew he didn’t want me to be on Twitter or Facebook or blogs at all. At first I was a little worried that I’d have some kind of withdrawls (!), but I have to say … once I got over the initial weirdness of it (like the first night, with NO COMPUTER), it was … reeeeeeeeally nice! I went the rest of the week with no problem at all. It was weird to flip that switch in my brain that just said “I’m not going to be reachable” and then completely tune in to just him, and just the real people around us. It was so nice, in fact, I look forward to doing it again!

    I think it’s a great idea to have “unplugged” time. Now I’m thinking I need to plan it more regularly!

  58. FLG says:

    I like being unplugged occasionally, but always having that option to be plugged in. Not sure if either energises me, but both can definitely drain me, depending on situations.

  59. Mary Anne in Kentucky says:

    It was visiting my Jewish friends for Friday night supper that made me want to convert. (I never did; too lazy and too religiously eclectic, but I’ve kept kosher for 27 years, just to prove how weird I am.) It wasn’t until I was in college that I realized I needed a Sabbath. I was involved in theatre and music and weekends were busy, so I made Wednesday, when there were no classes, my Sabbath. When I was working jobs where I worked any day of the week, I would pick what day off would be that week’s Sabbath as soon as I got my schedule. That whole day when the pressure is shut off is vital.

  60. Laura says:

    It’s amazing how something as old a tradition as Shabbat can still have relevance in our lives. Your celebration is a beautiful interpretation of the meaning of rest.

  61. s says:

    like a lot of the people who were commenting, unplugging is also really needed for me especially now that i’m not de-stressing by eating as much. i’m at my email all day during the workday and i find that not checking it as much over the weekend helps me be less stressed out.

    also i like the commenter above me’s idea about picking a day to carve out some non-stressed time.

  62. Diane Fit to the Finish says:

    Unplugged time is something important to us as well. I do read the emails, but generally wait until I have some down time (read kids in bed) before I respond.

  63. Linda says:

    I do think it’s important to unplug.
    What’s most important is usaully what is right in front of us.
    The rest of it is just noise.

  64. Freddy says:

    You know I never take the time off. I think it is healthy to “unplug” and enjoy family and friends. I think I will try this practice more often.


  65. Mary Meps says:

    I need quiet in the morning. Even though I am working [writing], I stay focused on work. I’m less available during workouts. I need quiet at night to unwind. I usually read. I’ve got my white noise machine to insure quietude.

  66. Gliding Calm says:

    As an introvert, I need down time…….and a lot of it!! In between classes, in the AM, when I get home, and before going to bed!! I hate having super busy schedules!!

    I love this idea of unplugging as a fam……….but more than that, I love that you include some CHALLAH. Dang! I just read Mara’s post about challah making, and now I surely have a raging craving. Time to hit up WF?!

    HUGS TO YOU MIZFIT! have a glorious weekend!

  67. sotoneevede says:

    Interesting interesting.

  68. love2eatinpa says:

    loved the post! we light shabbat candles every friday night as well and i LOVE the idea of sharing what we are thankful for. there seems to be no real plugging-in time in our home and this would be a great way to get it started, so thanks for the great idea!

  69. Mary :: A Merry Life says:

    That’s great. Thanks for the look into your friday night ritual. I think that is really, really important. I know a lot of families that NEVER unplug and spend time together without technology intruding. I want my family in the future to have at least one night where we do this, if not more. :)

  70. Diana says:

    I never take time to unplug. Even my phone gets up to date emails, so I never have time where I’m not looking at them or watching tv or working on the computer. (ok, do have the bathroom time, but not much!) I thought I was doing good not using the computer at night, but as I think about it I use my phone instead. *sigh* This is a great reminder to slow down and take some real me/us time.

  71. Deb says:

    Really great post. I can almost feel the rest of your Friday evenings eminating from my computer screen.

    I don’t do this for myself. Unplugging I mean. Being connected through blogs, facebook, twitter, texts. They have really become a major form of “human” connection for me. The first thing I do when I wake up is check my phone for Twitter messages. Lately I have started to realize this is probably not healthy and that my relationships “in real life” suffer. So this post was very timely for me to read.

    I need to make some unplugged time for myself during the week.

  72. Tricia says:

    We get family times through runs and walks in the evenings and weekends! Tonight we’re taking the little one on a “Christmas Light Run” through our neighborhood. He’ll get to see lights and we’ll get exercise. We’ve decided to start venturing out to other neighborhoods later this week.

  73. Fatinah says:

    when I was young I attended a high school that had a large Jewish population in the student body. My best bud Gayle brought me to temple, taught me how to use her kitchen (which was kosher) and even brought me on a “march to Jerusalem” which was a fund raiser for her temple (I won a 10 speed bike). I used to wish I was Jewish because I was so drawn to the ritual of the religion.

    My family does not practice anything like you describe. I have been feeling very separated from my daughter of late (I LOVE THE TEEN YEARS!!) and I wonder if we had something like that if maybe….. perhaps everyone could benefit from Shabbat… regardless of their religion!

    Oh, hey - since your post is sort of religious in origin I wondered if I could ask you a question? I thought it was against Jewish law to have a tattoo? I noticed that you had one (haha).

  74. Lele says:

    What an amazing idea to cut off technology as a rule like that. I was overseas this summer and had NO cell phone and went on the internet like once for an hour- it was absolutely spectacular.

  75. Shannon Fab Fattie says:

    I think this is the most important thing we all can do.
    For us it is dinner together every night and game night once a week or another activity.
    It seems as if the world is against us when it comes to family time.
    The best time ever we had as a family was when our T.V. was broke. Now what does that tell ya?!

  76. Geosomin says:

    Your post inspired me to make Challah this weekend.
    Yum. :)

  77. Tina says:

    I always take one day on the weekend to focus on unplugging. It really does help rejuvenate me. This is such a great thing for us all to do so we can be refreshed for life.


  1. Tweets that mention MizFit -- Topsy.com - December 4, 2009

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by carla birnberg, FitnessDoc. FitnessDoc said: First Person Friday: A MizFit Shabbat. [mizfitonline.com] http://bit.ly/6QeuAl [...]

  2. uberVU - social comments - December 4, 2009

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by FitnessDoc: First Person Friday: A MizFit Shabbat. [mizfitonline.com] http://bit.ly/6QeuAl…

  3. MizFit - April 26, 2010

    [...] knew mamahood didnt get weekends off?  Next time I shall read the fine-print) I adore Fridays, Shabbat, unplugging a bit & just hanging with the [...]

Leave a Reply


Enter your Email


As Seen on Hungry Girl
Austin Fit Magazine
Follow Me on Twitter